Sunday 22 November 2015

The Journey to the center of Me... - Part 5

I do realize that Part 4 of "The Journey to the center of Me" might have been a tad too long, so I will try and make this one shorter. A blog post ought to be short but still have something worthwhile to share, which leads me to start with the following question...

What could I possibly learn from a golfer that is worthwhile knowing as a mother?

My PPL was easier to qualify for than the dummy!
My current posts are based on a book titled "Seven Days in UTOPIA" by David L. Cook, in which a professional golfer learns that he has not been properly prepared for tournament play. By reading this book, I have realized, neither have I. Not for the tournaments that follow year after year when you have two or more kids. So, on Day 5 in Utopia, in a chapter titled "Pilot's Checklist", the golfer learns about the benefit of being prepared for an emergency during a bumpy flight in a small airplane. Several years ago I actually obtained a Pilot's license myself but I stopped flying when I became pregnant with my first child. To find a chapter in this book relating to that part of my life, was rather exciting for me! But I believe it will hold exciting pointers for you too, whether or not you have learnt to fly. Preparing for an emergency is what every mother can relate to!

Have you ever taken a trip in a little 2-seater airplane? I have and let me tell you, it can be downright scary at times! Especially when the instructor decides to secretly cut off your fuel supply and stall your engine, just to test whether or not you would be prepared for such an emergency. So, I know all too well what it means to prepare for an emergency when it comes to flying, but I didn't really know how to prepare for emergencies when I became a mom. I was ill prepared and the result was a ton of (partly subconscious) fears. What if I fail? What if my baby gets ill? What if I won't be able to cope with it? What if I am a bad mother? What if everyone else is a better one? So many fears and anxieties and I desperately needed some answers. This book finally guided me towards several.

Fact is, when it comes to flying, the only solution to the threat of an emergency, is a well rehearsed emergency checklist. In this book, the farmer, a very seasoned pilot, appeared to be very much in control. Mostly because handling emergencies has become second nature to him. He had practiced them hundreds of times and now he was teaching the golfer that in an environment ripe with emergencies he'd do well to prepare for emergencies also. Would you agree with me, that motherhood is definitely an environment ripe for emergencies? Just take the simple example of a toddler on a playground without his mother's constant supervision. An emergency waiting to happen! Agree? Mom constantly needs to be in control and if she's not, it might end up in some sort of a "crash landing" for the toddler. But all this required focused attention can become very stressful for a mother. By the time my first born reached the age of seven, I was already nearing what I call a "mommy's burnout". I was stressed out from being a mom. Sadly, and I confess, feeling out of control often had the potential to turn me into an angry mom. Even though I usually managed to stay calm on the outside, on the inside, I often panicked in the face of an emergency. I felt overwhelmed if my tonsillitis child would suddenly be sick or I stressed over fevers that would get too high. I piled up a lot of stress on the inside, because I wasn't well prepared.

The golfer learns that his pre-shot checklist would become the most valuable asset in tournament play and be his foundation. I have now learnt that the same applies to me. A great "pre-shot" checklist can be compiled in just a very short early morning quiet-time and it has become a very stable foundation for me. Take-off is an art and the conditions are never the same, whether you are taking off on a flight or into a day as a mother. As a pilot and as a mother I can tell you, that developing a checklist every morning and focusing on it throughout your day will help make your day a whole lot easier! Confidence comes from being prepared for an emergency and I believe that most days in motherhood are about preparation too. It might be a different kind of preparation, but the principle remains the same. I dare-say that motherhood is probably one of the jobs we get least prepared for and many of us desperately need help. But with granny often thousands of miles away, we have to figure it out (or we Google it) as we go along. 

Another thing I remember very clearly from learning to fly is that every time when a pilot wants to take off he has to contact the tower. Without the tower, there will be no safe flight! On some days, during my flying adventures, there seemed to be static interference in the transmission between the tower and my little plane, but I would have to make the call nonetheless and I always waited until I heard the words "cleared for take off". I am sure you might be able to guess where I am going with this...I prefer to fly in the safety of knowing that God is watching over my day and He has cleared it for take off!! So, in the last few years, I have developed a new habit of early morning quiet times and I have seen the blessings that come from them to the point that I can now honestly say that without His clearance, I would not dare to fly. By the way, in very remote areas, there are landing strips where you are out of reach from the nearest tower and then the rule is - make a "blind" radio call. Inform everyone else that might be up in the air, that you are about to take off too. I have practiced this several times  during my early flying days and what a wonderful analogy of my first quiet times! I used to sit down, not sure if God is hearing me, but I was determined to try. So, if you think that your transmission is not being received by the tower, the best advice I can give you for now is - make the call anyway! When the static around you settles, you will hear his reply!

I hope that you are, were or will be better prepared for emergencies in motherhood than me. But when you get ready to take off tomorrow morning, please don't forget to make that radio call! Take a breather...have a little quiet time...and go through your pre-flight checklist and you will see that it will give you the confidence you need throughout your day!

HAVE A GREAT WEEK and many happy landings!



(Images are my own or courtesy of morguefile.com)

Wednesday 11 November 2015

The Journey to the center of Me... - Part 4 (snackbreak!)

Snackbreak! I am working on my next post, but in the meantime, I thought I would share an interesting quote from Steve Jobs (Co-founder and CEO of Apple Inc.) that beautifully underlines the importance of "quiet times". Perhaps it will inspire you, hearing it from such a successful businessman...

"Coming back (to America) after seven months in Indian villages, I saw the craziness of the Western world as well as its capacity for rational thought. If you just sit and observe, you will see how restless your mind is. If you try to calm it, it only makes it worse, but over time, it does calm, and when it does, there's room to hear more subtle things - that's when your intuition starts to blossom and you start to see things more clearly and be in the present more. Your mind just slows down, and you see a tremendous expanse in the moment. You see so much more than you could see before. It's a discipline, you have to practice it."   Steve Jobs

My own journey will continue soon! In the meantime...HAVE A GREAT WEEK!

Every morning starts with a new promise, same as yesterday...HE LOVES YOU!





Thursday 5 November 2015

The Journey to the center of Me... - Part 4

WELCOME BACK to Part 4 of my healing journey that I am taking on the fairways of a golf course. David L. Cook in his book titled "Seven Days in UTOPIA, Golf's Sacred Journey" is writing to golf players mostly, but his book has taught me so much about motherhood, that I decided to share some of my thoughts in this series of diary posts. You are most welcome to go back to Part 1, 2 and 3 if you haven't already done so and you will find that I have learnt about giving up control, gaining rhythm and balance and how to paint a picture of what I want my days to be like...all with the help of this book. Today, I want to look at what is more important - tradition or truth? I will spend some time on the putting green, approaching the target. The question might arise in your mind as to what the target is and I hope that by the end of this post I will have answered it adequately.

On Day 4 in the village of Utopia, tradition clashes with truth on the putting green. In my childhood "traditions" have clashed with "truth" quite often too or at least that's what it felt like in my heart. Some "traditions" did not make any sense to me at all and so I very much enjoyed this chapter! I hope that you will enjoy it also.

Tradition...
Truth...?
Traditions are "set ways" and that is not always how we wish things to be. In the book, the farmer (he is the teacher, if you haven't been reading my blogs up until now) makes a very profound statement. He says: "I respect tradition, but I have a passion for truth." Oh, how I can relate to that!! He goes on to explain that tradition seems to generally have a vicious grip on most people and that golf is a game where tradition is sacred too. But the farmer wants the golfer (his student) to come away from the way he has been putting and try something completely new. He wants him to approach the target "face on". Golf is being played sideways on the fairway, but according to the farmer, when it comes to putting, you ought to be looking straight at the target while you are making the putt. But the golfer is nervous. He has never played golf this way before. Traditionally, putting is also done sideways. He tries and he is rather speechless when he succeeds, over and over again. This new method seems so much easier! It is simpler and more successful. But when the farmer challenges him to use this new method in a real tournament, he hesitates. He is suddenly unsure as he is afraid of what people might think of him, if he uses such a revolutionary putting method back home. Mostly, he is afraid that he might be laughed at, but he also realizes that he has become comfortable with tradition and that he has also become somewhat stuck in his "comfort zone". Tradition seems to be a great place to hide. Sometimes we don't want to try something new, because we are so used to the old. The farmer elaborates, that in a game of golf, most of the time the ball is hit "side-on" because it needs to be hit far. Golfers have become so used to standing "side-on" that when they approach the hole, they just carry on that way. They putt, only glancing at the hole, when it might be more beneficial to be standing face-on with both eyes on the target. So the farmer asks the golfer a crucial question: "Is it tradition you seek or truth? Is it excellence or acceptance?" These are two questions I have also faced on multiple occasions in the last few years and my answer is and will always be - truth! In a world that is now so incredibly rushed, we rarely slow down enough to question tradition. Take Father Christmas for example, a long standing tradition and a great photo opportunity for any mom with a cute toddler like mine. (I would like to add that ALL toddlers are cute of course!) But my daughter (now much older and more courageous) was petrified at the age of two of men in red suits and a white beard, so I made a very simple decision - no photos with Father Christmas for her! Tradition vs. truth...I prefer truth and I don't want to force her into anything for the sake of tradition. To make that decision, though, I had to slow down and observe what was actually going on.

Facing my ball with both eyes on the target...
We live in a busy world and even as moms or perhaps especially as moms, we are rushing from appointment to appointment and most of the time we just seem to be glancing at each other "side-ways". New habits, such as social media and cellphones also seem to be starting to have a grip on us, just look at a bunch of teenagers getting together nowadays! You will know what I mean. I believe the new "Word of the Year" among German youngsters is "Smombie" which describes the merger of humans and smartphones, a Smartphone Zombie or Smombie! Can you believe it? We are starting to merge with those things?? And then there's the issue of multi-tasking which we sometimes seem to be taking to an extreme. With the result that I know more women now with anxieties or some kind of stress reactions than women that have inner peace. What a crazy world that we seem to be living in! I have been watching other mothers for quite some time now and I try to learn from those who seem to remain focused despite the mounting pressure in today's world. There seem to be very few moms who get it "right" but those who do, I believe, are the ones that keep their eyes on the target while they are performing their daily tasks and chores. I believe we are moving our kids down a "fairway" every day, but when it comes to putting, at the end of the day, I always hope that there is enough time to be with them "face-on". My aim is to raise my kids to know God. Not only hear of Him, read about Him, but know him. That is my target. Now, I can make a putt with a side-ways approach but it will probably take longer, so what I need to do is spend time with them and with God face-on. Spending loads of time with God is the most beneficial thing I have done in the last couple of years! "Start the day with God, finish the day with God and in-between speak to Him as often as possible" - that is my simple new rule and the result...has already been spectacular! Quiet time with God has already brought an incredible amount of good changes in my life. But my new approach to life is so different from what it used to be and so totally against any traditions in my childhood years that I could not easily share it with others up until now. I come from a country where tradition and acceptance is everything. Daily conversations with God would be frown upon. But tradition is no longer everything to me. Truth is what is beginning to set me free and I love this new kind of freedom!

In the end of the chapter "Tradition vs. Truth" the golfer makes a radical change and breaks with tradition and so did I. I don't glance at God anymore, He is my target! Over 2000 years after Jesus was born, it seems to me that most people have forgotten how to approach the target - with honest conversation and an open heart and mind. Instead God is only glanced at sideways or not at all. The golfer was challenged to start a putting-revolution...the outcome of which you will see when I get to the end of the book. But for today...I intend to start a quiet-time revolution! Join me, if you like, in this new way of living! If, like me, you have spent enough time in the "bunkers" or "sandpits" of life, then reconsider the questions from the beginning of this post one more time: Is it tradition you seek or truth? Acceptance or excellence? From my side I will just add: Is it busyness your heart seeks or quiet time? I would love to hear what you chose in the comments below and I hope you will join me for Part 5 in a couple of weeks. In the meantime, take some time off from the fairway of life and...

...have a happy "quiet time" and a wonder-filled week!